Episode 002: Radiant Emotions
I want to talk about something many of us would rather pretend didn’t exist.
Emotions. Those fun little reminders of our humanity we all experience. Have emotions ever been the reason you wanted to crawl into a hole and build a house there? How can we reflect the peace of Christ in our hearts, instead of overreacting, when situations stir up our feelings? Nobody wants to be the crazy girl, but we can all admit we’ve been her more than once.
I tend to describe myself to others as being passionate. I’ve used this same word to justify my out-of-control emotions. I tend to feel every emotion to the fullest, which sometimes colors my responses. What is your go-to response when your feelings hit?
I’m a default crier.
Our fifteen-year-old Golden Retriever went to doggie heaven a little over a year ago. I cried for days. When my son moved away to college, I waited until we pulled out of the campus parking lot and cried the four hours home. If my husband and I end up passionately discussing a subject, he knows crying could mean I need a hug or I’m about to lose my Irish temper, so he better ask first. Watching the puppy Hallmark commercials during Christmas requires a Kleenex every single time. My husband has found me more than once bawling my eyes out, and when he asks what’s wrong, I hold up a book. He will shake his head in disbelief when I tell him I’m crying because it’s just so good.
I did a little internet research on crying. According to Harvard University, tears decrease physical and emotional pain by releasing endorphins. Endorphins are the body's feel-good hormones. Which means crying is a good thing. At least I keep telling myself, if Harvard believes it, so do I. [1]
However, you don’t use the crying emoji when someone texts you good news because we associate crying with sadness more than our other emotions. No one wants to cry. Besides the red eyes and puffy noses, crying indicates sorrow, and we cannot avoid sorrow. Sorrow, a natural by-product of living, is inevitable. What we can do is learn, no matter how we feel, to respond with grace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 says, “For everything, there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.”
If life brings you both joy and sorrow, how can you learn to respond without overreacting? Or without saying or doing something you will regret. And without spiraling into depression.
It’s important we understand a little about these seasons, to know how to navigate them.
Our choices often determine the season we experience. Galatians 6:7 tells us, “We will reap what we sow.”
How many of you have declared, tomorrow I’m going to eat healthy, and I’m going to exercise? I do this all the time. Tomorrow arrives and I hit snooze instead of getting up to ride my bike or do yoga. I’m telling myself I’ll work out that night instead, and we all know that’s not going to really happen. Then I get to work, and someone decides to bless me with my favorite cream horns from the local bakery. I know if I choose to eat those cream horns my taste buds will experience joy but not my hips. I’m going to end up with an unhealthy body if I make this my choice every day.
Choices made today will affect how you feel about tomorrow.
My children complain that our parenting, aka the rules keeping them from making poor choices, gets in the way of their happiness. We are trying to teach them happiness isn’t a feeling, happiness is the result of good decisions, and we want them to be happy.
You will also experience seasons you have no control over because other people’s choices can create sorrow or joy in your life.
A friend once betrayed my trust. I know you can relate because relationships tend to be sticky. I had given her emotional access to my life and when her betrayal manifested, I was broken. More than crying, I slipped down the slope of depression. I couldn’t eat or sleep, and I couldn’t shut off the narrative in my head screaming everything was my fault. After weeks of heartache, of reading the Word, of praying, and of smiling my fake smile (you know the one only your true friends recognize), I looked at myself in the mirror, acknowledging, girl you need help.
I want to take a moment and encourage you to seek counsel when you feel this way. This may be from a professional, a pastor, or a trusted friend. Choose to ask for help. God created us for relationships, and He can show His love to you through others.
My pastor, also my husband, says, control is an illusion. You can’t control someone else; you can only control your response.
What is a better response than overreacting? A better question is what should be our default response.
There’s a story in the Old Testament, in the book of 1 Samuel, about a woman named Hannah. Talk about an emotional situation, Hannah is one of two women married to the same guy. I don’t care if it was culturally acceptable, you and I both know all kinds of jealous tension existed in this household. Hannah’s husband honors her and shows her special favor because of his love. But wife number two starts having babies, which determined a woman’s worth in this time period. And she in turn taunts Hannah about her inability to have children. Hannah’s grief from her infertility creates relationship issues between her and her husband. Jealousy, love, sorrow, anger all these emotions war within Hannah.
She reaches a point where the scripture indicates she loses it. She’s in the sanctuary, she’s at church, crying and praying. The priest observing her believes she’s drunk.
Can you relate, have your emotions ever made you feel like maybe you had been drinking? Hello, roller coaster. She tells the priest, “I am pouring out my soul to the Lord,” 1 Samuel 1:15.
The priest blesses her and tells her to go in peace praying God will answer her prayer.
What’s beautiful about this moment, is nothing changes other than her attitude. She doesn’t instantly become pregnant. She finds peace in the Lord. The Message version says she tells the priest, “Think well of me, and pray for me! Then she ate heartily, her face radiant,” (1 Samuel 1:18).
She had a moment where she chose joy, and the peace of God was evident on her face. As we read on, we learn God does hear her prayer. She has a baby who would become one of the greatest prophets of Israel, Samuel. But before that moment she found joy, she found radiance in the peace of God.
Have you, like Hannah, prayed from a place of sorrow? I have, like in the situation I was describing with my friend. It’s tempting to ask God to remove the difficult situation. Once I even asked him to help me not feel anymore, preferring a state of numbness to the pain every time I took a breath.
Here’s what I’m learning. When you surrender the person, the situation, and the need to control, God does something beautiful. He transforms the sorrow. He gives us what Isaiah describes as beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3).
Why? Why, if He’s God can He not just make me forget? In the same way, I know my kids need my parenting, God knows we need the process described in Romans 5:3-5, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
Like Hannah, as we pray through the pain, we are reminded we are not alone. God is over all, even our sorrow. And His mercies are new every morning. Because of this truth, I can surrender all my heartaches to Him. I don’t have to fake a smile; I can choose joy because He is my joy. I can find peace because He gives the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
As we pray, I invite you to surrender whatever season you are in, to God.
Father, thank you for having new mercy every morning. I love you, God. Help me surrender all the details of my life, good and bad, to you, Lord. Let me understand I can choose peace because you are my peace. Bring scripture to mind when I feel overwhelmed reminding me of your presence. I know I am not alone. I know I don’t have to figure everything out. Transform my sorrow and use it for your glory. In Jesus’ name.
Let’s go live radiantly.
XOXO,
Laura
[1]Leo Newhouse, “Is Crying Good for You?”, Harvard Health Blog, Harvard Health Publishing, March 1, 2021, health.harvard.edu
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Psalm 30, John 16, Isaiah 6, 1 Samuel 1
Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst
All scripture NIV unless otherwise noted
