Season 2 Episode 005: Radiant Kindness
This season we have taken a closer look at what it means to reflect Christ in a self-centered culture. Good or bad, our actions influence the world around us. When we choose to follow Christ, His spirit living in us, helps us respond in ways that seem countercultural. We find those ways defined in Galatians 5:22-23 in what is known as the fruit of the Spirit.
This fruit isn’t a salad we pick and choose from, but rather one fruit made up of multiple characteristics. In this session, I want to focus on the attribute of kindness.
What is kindness?
I appreciate how Charlotte Gambill clarifies kindness in her devotional journal, Become. She says, “Being nice and being kind are two entirely different things.” We often confuse the two, believing to be nice I need to accommodate feelings above all else.
The word nice, according to the Oxford Dictionary, means pleasant; agreeable; or satisfactory. Being nice means being accommodating.
The Greek word used for kindness in this scripture is “chrestotes”, translated as uprightness, goodness, and excellence. Being kind means my response might not be the most desired or the most popular, but it is the best decision, one not based on feeling but on doing what is right.
I struggle with this because I’m a people pleaser. I want people to like me, and I want everyone to be happy. Many times, my responses reflect this part of my character, and more than once I’ve created a mess because I chose to do the “nice” thing rather than the “kind” thing.
I feel like we see this play out often in parenting, especially during the teenage years. During this delightful phase, one of our sons came to us with a request to participate in an out-of-town activity, without adults. He laid out the proposal in a way suggesting there wasn’t a reason for us to say, “no.” I can still see the look of shock and incredulous wonder in his eyes when we did indeed say, “no”. Followed up with how mean and unkind this felt to him. We tried to explain our no wasn’t because we didn’t want him to experience fun, or because we didn’t trust Him-even though can anyone be fully trusted during this season of life? We knew the kind thing at this moment was understanding the potential consequences outweighed the fun he sought.
I want my kids to experience all the joys of life, and I want to say yes to everything and be a nice mom. However, saying yes when I know danger exists or when I know it will place my child in a situation they aren’t mature enough to handle, isn’t kind.
Our heavenly Father shows us kindness doesn’t mean allowing us to live in whatever way makes us feel good.
Romans 11:21-22 (The Msg) says this, “If God didn’t think twice about taking pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn’t give it a second thought. Make sure you stay alert to these qualities of gentle kindness and ruthless severity that exist side by side in God—ruthless with the deadwood, gentle with the grafted shoot. But don’t presume on this gentleness. The moment you become deadwood, it’s game over.”
How do we live out and reflect this quality when it may not always be perceived by others as being kind?
It all begins and ends with attitude.
One of the challenges in choosing the best or the right thing is doing it absent of cruelty. I don’t believe most of us intend to be cruel, but I do think many of us struggle with control. If my response is because I want to control someone or a situation, then my actions aren’t kind but they can be cruel. If your intention is for the good of the person, or the situation, then the attitude with which you express yourself will exhibit kindness.
Matthew 7:11 shows us that God despite our sin desires our happiness. The instructions He lays out in His word are for our good.
It is impossible to perform kind actions without patience. Not only is patience listed as the first attribute of the fruit of the Spirit, but when describing love in 1 Corinthians, Paul begins, love is patient, then love is kind.
If I’m having trouble being kind to someone, is it because my patience meter has run out? I don’t know about you, but I don’t typically raise my voice at others if I’m practicing patience. And more often than naught, I’m not being patient because I’m upset at what someone else has done.
Have you ever been mad at someone, and you just couldn’t let it go? I’m not talking about the, “I’m a little upset at you” kind of mad. I’m referring to the ‘if my eyes could burn you in this moment you would no longer exist” kind of mad. The justifiable mad, as in what they did was wrong and I have every right to send these laser beams with my eyes, kind of mad.
Over twenty-five years of marriage, I’ve experienced this more than once with my spouse. And when I feel this way, my responses toward him, even walking in the door are anything but kind. In fact, he might want to duck because the glass of tea in my hand might spontaneously be hurled at his head. I’m not saying this has ever happened, I am saying if it happens once the mess it creates keeps it from ever happening again.
Here's the most challenging part, kindness isn’t possible without mercy. Paul wrote to the Colossians, “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”
He reminds us all, kindness is something we must choose to put on, even when someone doesn’t deserve it.
Look at the words of Jesus,
“If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. “(Luke 6:32-36)
In what ways can we choose kindness instead of our “felt” response?
You can put on kindness by choosing forgiveness, even as you experience pain. Remember putting on kindness does not always mean saying yes.
God will forgive sin, but he can’t coexist with sin, 1 John tells us, “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”
You can choose kindness and have boundaries allowing you to rebuild and restore relationships.
God loves us too much to leave us where we are and his kindness will transform us. The question is do we trust his kindness? Until we can trust his kindness, we can’t reflect his kindness.
If kindness is wrapped up with love and patience, as well as humility and forgiveness, then we have the opportunity every day.
Choose kindness when:
Someone cuts you off in traffic. Have you ever unintentionally done this while driving, I have more than once. There is nothing worse than being yelled at, honked at, or shown a rude gesture after you’ve done something on accident.
Someone is rude. Do you know any rude people? While I have experienced people being rude, most people I know aren’t rude by nature. Again, can we respond to someone’s rudeness with kindness if we choose to believe their actions aren’t intentional?
Someone talks about you. Ouch. This one is tough. My “felt” response is to talk bad about them. I mean eye for an eye right? Choosing not to retaliate and not to defend yourself when someone is gossiping takes all the Jesus you can have and then some. But I’ve learned, just as the Proverb says, a gentle answer turns away wrath. When you respond with kindness, forgive what they have said, and refuse to talk negatively about them it reflects Christ not only to them but to everyone who they have talked to about you.
Someone lies to you. It’s hard to be kind to someone you don’t trust because you feel like they might abuse that kindness. This one takes prayer and leaning into the Holy Spirit for guidance on where to place boundaries. Remember, you can forgive and be kind, but rebuilding and restoring a relationship means the other party must be willing to be honest.
Be kind and have hard conversations. Don’t just make others feel good but challenge them to respond in ways to their circumstances which will lead them to Christ, not a temporary feeling of happiness.
As we pray together, ask the Holy Spirit how he would have you show kindness in a current situation, or to those around you.
Father,
Thank you for modeling kindness to us. It is by your loving kindness I can receive the grace that covers my sin. Help me Lord to be kind, even when it’s challenging. Holy Spirit, guide me in ways to reflect kindness in every situation. Let me learn how to set boundaries and extend kindness when needed. When my emotions threaten to dictate how I want to respond, let me remember I have a choice, and with your help, I can choose kindness. When I mess up, let me be quick to apologize and to remember your faithful to forgive me also, for your mercy is as sure as the sunrise, and new every single day.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Let’s go live radiantly.
XOXO,
Laura
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Become by Charlotte Gambill
Ezraproject.com/chrestotes
What the Bible says about Chrestotes Bibletools.org
Romans 11
Matthew 5
Luke 6
Colossians 3
All scripture NIV unless otherwise noted
